looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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