Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
