please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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