please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
