He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
