Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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