before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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