hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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