Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
