I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You pole danced in your parka.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
