the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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