Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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