I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
