the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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