There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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