why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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