This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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