I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
