I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
