If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
