bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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