Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
