i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
