South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
