You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
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why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
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