you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
