Buhtt sex?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
