Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize