And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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