We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
