We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
