Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
