i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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