I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
