last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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