smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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