The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
