The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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