saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I wish you could order shots online.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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