So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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