i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
