There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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