shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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