Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
