I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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