I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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