Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
