smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
