Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
