when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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