I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
