i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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