I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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