She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
