I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
