Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
