The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
