When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
