Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Can you bring me the toilet please
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
