Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
