How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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