Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
