Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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