Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
