16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
