At least make sure they are 18
Why
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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