We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
