I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
