Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
