I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
