i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
