so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
