so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Randomize
