3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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