She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
third nipple confirmed
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
