Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
