Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
