Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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