Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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