I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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