you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
