..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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